I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize