It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
