I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Randomize
