How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I party with great urgency now.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
