First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
