He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
