I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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