it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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