Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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