i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
