Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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