Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize