foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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