I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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