We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
