you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
