I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
