awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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