I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
