here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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