I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
