Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize