Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
