Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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