dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize