I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
