is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
