3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize