Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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