nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
