I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize