btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
