I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
