So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
