woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
