I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
