I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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