I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
