I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
