My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
