so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Welp...herpes.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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