If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
