Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize