I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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