i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
