So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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