the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
