jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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