I want to make a zoo with you.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
