god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize