He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
