I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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