I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
