i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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