dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
