If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
