Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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