You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
farters have to be the big spoon...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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