Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
