the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
How does one acquire holy water?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize