You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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