Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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