Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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