shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
