Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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