They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
