Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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