Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
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